Pencarian.

Hai guys, balik lagi dengan gue. Ya gue, disini menulis karena..... Ya gitu deh. Mungkin menulis uda jadi hobi baru gue. hohoho. Abis gue kadang males ngeluarin pendapat di status, pada ngejudge alay lah, ini itu lah. Hm... Selama ngeblog itu gratis, maka ngeblog lah :")

Jadi tema kegalauan gue hari ini adalah.......

*Jeng jeng jeng jeng*

Jatuh kepada..............

*Jeng jeng jeng jeng*

Jadi siapa kah yang ternominasi menjadi tema kegalauan gue hari ini........

*Jeng jeng jeng jeng*

Ya tinggal liat dari judul juga uda pada tau. Jadi gausa gue jawab ya. Oke, bye. *Mode ngeselin*

Kenapa gue ngebahas pencarian?

- gue juga gatau sih random thoughts gitu, maklum masih remaja labil. Yang perasaannya ababil. Ketika digoncang sedikit. Langsung merasa sakit. #asoy

Guys, entah kenapa gue ngerasa dunia ini makin lama makin ancur kali ya. Rasanya uda ga ada kasih Tuhan di dunia ini. Gue ngerasa bosen. Gue pengen bikin gebrakan baru. Ga bohong. Tiap kali gue ngeliat instagram ya isinya gitu gitu aja, cewe cantik endorse sana sini, jadi viral karena tingkah lakunya yang ga jelas atau ngga karena #RelationshipGoals. Ga bohong bikin gue eneg.

Gue rasa, dunia mencoba mengisi kekosongan dengan hal yang semu. Rokok, dugem, pacaran terus diupload ke ig biar diliat relationship goals, make up biar banyak likers followersnya, populer, pake sepatu bermerk, kaya bisa kesana sini terus, beli bir atau temenan sama orang orang yang populer.

Sebenernya, apa sih yang kita cari?

Hidup ini menurut gw bukan cuma sekedar masalah percintaan, tapi lebih. Bukan cuma soal lu diputusin sama dia dan lu bales dendam kayak di sinetron. Tapi lebih. Selama ini kacamata kita cuma itu doang, relationship goals, dan artis artis ig yang sok jadi influencer dengan cara endorse, nunjukkin hidup dia yang hedon, atau cerita tentang jalan hidup mereka yang dulu "menyedihkan" sampai bisa jadi seorang "instagram influencer" yang menurut gw gaada influencenya juga sama sekali.

So, what have you been looking for?

Me,
8 april 2018

I used to

I used to believe in toothfairy, she was the reason that i want to pull all my teeth to get a gift under my pillow.
I used to believe monster under the bed, so everytime i want to go to the restroom, i run quickly.
I used to believe in santa clause, hoping that he knews that i did many good things not when it comes to christmas but every time which made me sure that santa will give the best gift for me.
I used to believe, clouds are made from cotton candy so i wish that i could fly and taste it.
I used to believe the good guys will beat over the bad guys, so i behave like i'm the good one.
I used to believe in fairytales, where the princess getting a happy ever after because the prince saved him with the kiss of love.

I used to....

I used to believe that i'm not too young to fall in love with somebody.
I used to believe that your hands fit me perfectly, so i hold it wherever we met.
I used to believe that he loves me that much and he afraid to losing me and it made him cry.
I used to.

Do you hate him?
I never used to.

After all he did?
Yeah, i used to blame myself for loving him.
I used to hate myself that i believe a man can loves woman so much just by crying and telling sweet words.
I used to believe that it's my parents that didn't understand my heart, i love him so much that i'm willing to spend my teenager life with him.
I used to believe that our love is purity and God made us meet each other to be together, forever.

But...

We made our own choices.
I used to believe that i could make you happy.
I used to believe that we don't have to be rich to embrace our love.
I used to believe that i'm the one who was made for you.
I used to believe that i can help to lower your burden, your pressure.
I used to believe that i could make you strong enough to live in this cruel world, when you're all alone.
I used to believe that you loves God and have a faith with Him so i pray for you every night, wishing that you'll be praying for me.

I used to.

So i hope that you found a better girl outside there, you don't have to worry about what you promised to me. I'll be the one who make it come true, okay? For being single after you left me. Cause our love story made me scare to fell in love again. It made me felt that i'm not good enough to others. 

So as the tears roll down to my pillow, i believe that you'll get a better life without me. As u used to believe that u can't live a life without me. We both too young and too naive to believe that life is easy for a lovebirds like us.